My Sanctuary

you don't really realize just how rarely you get to personally say goodbye to someone at the end of a relationship. be it your family member, friend, or significant other. hardly ever do you really get closure. I'm struggling to put into words what I'm feeling. because I'm honestly glad that you're doing fine, and that you're going off to get a fresh start. but I still resent you. For reasons that aren't actually your fault. there, I've said it. I wish you all the best, and I hope you will enjoy yourself, but I can't bear the sight of you, news of you, or anything related to you, not yet. undoubtedly time will heal all wounds, and some day, when I'm better, maybe... I am aware of how incredibly selfish all this talk about myself sounds, I, me, I. no doubt you too have no wish to ever see me again, and I don't blame you. may our paths never cross.

School is starting again tomorrow, and I'm nervous. I'm trying not to panic, to be more optimistic about the new school year, but then optimism has never really been one of my strong points. it's been a good holiday I think, and I wish it never had to end. I went on a holiday, did a lot more baking, and read 5 new books. I'm particularly proud of the books. I used to love reading. I mean, I still do, I love books and reading. but before this holiday, it's been a little over 2 years since I've read a book, let alone 5. me, the one who used to carry a book around everywhere, who once borrowed almost 20 books from the library to bring home to read. I didn't really notice it, or maybe I just didn't want to. my friends and I all love to read, it's one of the things that brought us together. these past 2 years, I would hear them, see them, with new books and such and it saddened me. you know, the part about losing interest in things you used to