if I'd known how hard literature would be, I never would have taken it, I was better off sticking with maths.
as it is, I can't do anything now but try to soldier on and hope for the best.
the immense weight of homework is slowly but surely crushing me.
the time between 2am-5am is when I feel most hopeless and at a loss...(why am I even awake at that time? Homework, what else)
nothing in Deyi could have ever prepared me for JC life, heck even the times before O'levels were quite restful compared to the times now,

the thing is, I was much more motivated then, I had a goal, I wanted to prove myself, I had people to do well for.
now, I've lost all motivation.
I find no meaning in my work, no sense of accomplishment even when i finish it, no reason to work hard, and so I don't.
but then I feel guilty, so I try to do my work, and then end up getting even more frustrated with myself because I don't know how to do it, and then I decide what's the point, I might as well not do it then, but then change my mind and the vicious cycle goes on and on....
I honestly don't know how long I can continue on like this, but I know I seriously need to get it out of my system or I will flunk out and get retained.

the view from where I sit looks bleak