It's been so long since I've had any cause for celebration.
and even now, I wonder.
If this truly is worth celebrating, if I even have a right to rejoice.
after all, isn't this still a step down?
am I not now merely a disappointment instead of being a total failure?



i sit by my window, looking out as the world passes me by. 
people walk by, busy with their own concerns, several glancing up at me as they pass by. i watch them from the other side of the darkened glass. But they do not know.
a child, barely six years old, stops, and throws a rock at the window 'Come out and play' he says, but  he too, leaves after a moment.
i retreat back into the cool, inviting darkness of the room and huddle in a corner, taking care to wind the spare lengths of my chain into a neat pile by my feet.
it is nice here. it is dark here. i am alone here.

The wind stirs me awake. Cool, refreshing breeze.
Light, it streams through an open window.
I leap lightly to my feet and skip down the stairs, pausing to check my reflection in the mirror before stepping out the front door.
I look around, warily at first, but with increasing delight as the buzz of life rejuvenates me.
I smile to myself, and take the first step.
I wonder about town all day, doing errands I've set for myself.
I visit the library, the bakery, the shops, and feel accomplished for once.
'This isn't so bad after all' I think.
Loud, angry voices reach me.
Arguing, they're arguing about something.
Something doesn't feel right, but I am drawn inexorably closer.
'Thwack!' Something hits me. A small pebble. 
I gaze around with growing anxiety, 'who was that? Why did they throw something at me? What did I do wrong? What? what whatwhatwhat...'
Hostile faces, indifferent looks, sneering twisted smirks.
it is bright here. what a fright here. i am alone here.