when I think about my dad, I no longer feel the pain and anger I used to harbor.
there is still sadness yes, but I don't think that's ever going to go away.

I'm sad that I didn't get to know you better,
sad that I didn't let you get to know me better.
I regret that we didn't have more time together,
but then I remember that you didn't want this either.

I can finally start to see the light at the end of this long dark tunnel.
it's faint, and still a long way away, but it's there.
I know I have a long way to go, and at times I might lose sight of that light while dealing with obstacles, but it feels good to have the knowledge that I'm going to make it, I just have to stick at it.
these... episodes will probably continue to plague me for the next year or so, but the fact that I recognize and acknowledge them, that I've made progress in dealing with them, is improvement enough.

as I look back on the past year, I do acknowledge that I've improved.
Months ago I could hardly imagine being where I am now.
sometimes I still can't believe it.
it's funny that I'm writing this now, having this so called moment of clarity right in the midst of all the chaos that are finals, but there you go.

almost a year and a half now,
still a long way to go, but I'm not alone.