Got dragged to church by my mum today.
Surprisingly, church service was quite amusing, instead of the anger that it evoked last year when I was there.
attributing it in part to me being less of a rage filled angry unstable depressed person, and instead being a more terrible person who keeps hearing innuendos during the sermons on the birth of Jesus.
so I guess it's a good sign that while I was still skeptical, the service was more amusing than rage inducing for me, another indicator that I've let go of the anger that I've harbored for so long?
also, been feeling weirdly light and, dare I use the word, happy??? these past two weeks.
yet I am being cautiously optimistic in what this means and am extremely wary of the coming friday since it's results day and who knows what'll happen.
also despite it all I can't help but feel that this is just a phase, that all too soon it'll come crashing down again, I don't know how long this will last and I understand that this good mood is also due in part to the fact that it's the school holidays and all.
and yet.
and yet I can't help but hope, deep down in a small teeny tiny voice that I'm really well on the road to recovery.
on the other hand, the fear of relapse is also very real and very large.