the semester is ending.
today was the last class discussion we had for the introduction to public administration module.
I just want to note down my good feelings and enjoyment of the course before the madness of finals hits and I start hating everything.
I really didn't expect to enjoy this module as much as I have.
this is really due to my professor, and I'm reminded yet again of the wonders a passionate teacher can do.
I mean, the material can still be dry and seemingly never ending at times, but his little anecdotes and patient understanding in the face of our ignorance (it helps that I'm taking it with first years so expectations are lowered) plus how excited he gets when talking about it, you can really see the passion shining through and how fascinated he is by it, just rubs off on me and I find myself thoroughly engaged by it too.
this module has really helped opened my eyes to a lot of things, it's jump started my critical thinking skills again and I'm just really glad I took it and grateful for having such a great professor.
I've met some really intelligent people, some really nice people, and though I will probably never see them again, it's still been a great experience.
one day, I hope that when I'm talking about whatever field I'm in I will have that same passionate gleam in my eye and unconscious grin on my face as I tell people about what I do and love.

of course the flip side is that since I hate disappointing people I like, there is also this crippling fear lurking in the back of my mind that I will do horribly and be the disappointment of the year. 
it's dumb because I have stupidly high standards as to what constitutes a disappointment, and I know it's not good to impose these conditions of self-worth on myself but I can't help but feel utterly crushed and worthless whenever I perceive myself as having let someone down, regardless of whether I actually have or not. 

I need more sleep. But then again, I always need more sleep. I don't know why people wear their sleep deprivation as badges of honor. This is not a competition. Why are you proud of the fact that you had so little sleep the night before? I'm ashamed I didn't get more.And now I'm extra cranky because I want to get to sleep but also because I'm worried about the midterm grades I'll be getting back tomorrow which I know will determine my mood for the entire weekend. 

Sleep is always the answer.






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