the end of another year is almost upon us.

I was reviewing my New Year's resolutions for this year and I actually managed to fulfill one of them. 

Of course I dismally failed the other, failed so badly I don't even know where to start again.

am I better off than I was a year ago? Specifically I mean December of 2013?  Definitely not. I mean, don't even get me started on where I was a year ago. It still hurts to think about it, of how different my present could be if things had only gone differently.

but am I better off than 2 years ago? Hell yes.

I will admit there have been tremendous setbacks this year, but on the other hand I can not ignore the progress made, no matter how little.

I've actually surprised myself by setting some new life goals to work toward to in the coming few years.

they're still pretty tentative, and the thought of not being able to fulfill them terrifies me everyday, but it's a start in giving some direction to my life. I understand of course that they may change with time, but for now they'll do.

first semester of my second year in university is over, now for the second half.

this past semester I've gotten used to the long daily commute to school, started having more consistent studying habits, met more people that broadened my world view, managed to somehow keep my patience in check even in the face of annoying people, forced myself to participate more during class discussions, and well, just generally managed to finish it in one piece. 

I consider myself very fortunate to have had some great professors teach me throughout all my semesters in university so far. No doubt there have been some professors who were, shall we say, pretty terrible, but luckily there has always been at least one fantastic one around, and I hope that I will continue to meet such inspiring teachers.

okay, back to New Year's resolutions.

1) Continue exercising (same as last year, the one I actually managed to achieve! I mean I've seen for myself how much it helps, so it just makes sense to continue, even if I hate it sometimes. Also, exercise has also taught me some important things about myself, but that's for another day.)

2) Get back on the recovery wagon. Whatever that entails.(so I kind of failed horribly this year. Suffice to say, it hurts almost as much to read how hopeful I was a year ago as it is to read what I wrote during my darkest days. Seriously, I'm not really sure how much longer I can keep this up.)

So many things left unsaid because I still can't bring myself to talk about it. May I gain more courage to have better communication in the coming year.